When My Knees Hit The Ground

"What fortune lies beyond the stars
  Those dazzling heights too vast to climb
  I got so high to fall so far
  But I found heaven as love swept low" *

I watched the throng of conference participants pour out of the main hall to the lobby. Like water going in different directions, creating eddies as they move past each other. I was among them, but not with them. I sat on a high stool near an almost empty display stand of a media company. Nearly empty, except for a bunch of empty totes to give away.

“Are these free?”
“Yes, they are. Come and have one. No, take two, and give the other to someone else. It’s great for carrying your conference purchases!”

I ended up having to answer the inevitable queries, sitting so close to the nearly empty display stand.

As I watched the crowds, my mind went to another place. In my mind’s eye, I saw myself on a plane, peering down on the city I just left behind.

Yes, the journey has started and there is no turning back. I fought to keep the tears at bay.

I understood what it meant. Like saying goodbye to a favorite place, I am saying goodbye to a career path that I thought I would be in for most of my life. I am saying goodbye to the familiar.

But what is ahead of me? Adventure. Wide open spaces. Freedom. Impact. Legacy beyond this generation. I do look forward to new adventures, larger spaces for my feet to explore, lush pastures where I would flourish! But leaving the beautiful memories behind still tug at my heart. So I will let the tears fall.

"My heart beating, my soul breathing
  I found my life when I laid it down
  Upward falling, spirit soaring
  I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground
What treasure waits within Your scars
  This gift of freedom gold can't buy
  I bought the world and sold my heart
  You traded heaven to have me again" *

From when I was a young student of Chemical Engineering I dedicated my life to God and to follow Jesus.

At university I started to evaluate what I believed in.

I read literatures of other belief systems.
I questioned the positions I took because someone else I respect held them.
I listened to my heart, even as my mind was probing, searching, finding or not finding answers, sifting, testing, reasoning.

My spirit knew when it was at peace with the answers. At peace, though some of the mysteries still remain beyond what my mind can grasp. After all, I  do not have God’s infinite wisdom and knowledge. I accept my limitation.

I live my life to delight God.

I believe there is one eternal God. He created everything. All other options take more faith than this.

I believe that God loves me very much, so he seeks to have fellowship with me but I was separated from him. Because I was not perfect, not holy as he is holy. That is why he sent his son Jesus to redeem me, be the bridge to the Father, so I can have fellowship with the Holy One.

"My heart beating, my soul breathing
  I found my life when I laid it down
  Upward falling, spirit soaring
  I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out, I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever” *

I do not make decisions on my own, including my career path. Yes, I use my mind, but I do not rely on what is visible, logical, or can be imagined. From experience, I know it is best to plan with God rather than for him to just check off what I propose!

“Hi, I was just looking for you. I wondered where you were during this conference. How are you?”

He and I worked together during one of the technology leadership roles I held in Australia. He is also a Christian, so after sharing how I was, I asked him to pray for me, for the new path I am about to take.

As he prayed, I had the impression of being on a plane that is about to land. I saw below a shimmering blue expanse of sea and stretches of glittering white sand. Nearby were proud skyscrapers, overhang by a bright blue sky. Then I saw myself, in my mind’s eye, my bare feet running across the water, making splashes where my feet touched water, yet gliding as if they sprouted wings. I felt, rather than heard, my own laughter.

“But now be strong, …’ declares the Lord. ‘Be strong, … Be strong, …’ And now get to work for I am with you,’ says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.”
Haggai 2:4 The Bible, NLT

“[She] found lush pastures there, and the land was spacious, quiet, and peaceful.”
1 Chronicles 4:40 The Bible, NLT

Daily, moment-by-moment prayer (whether on the train, while preparing a cup of coffee, in meetings, writing a report or in the silence of my study at home) and reading the Bible are guideposts as I look for God’s guidance in the everyday. In the mundane, the routine, the challenging, the mind boggling, the straight-forward and the perplexing.

Most days I am alert, picking up cues around me that fill in the details, the colors for the big picture that the master painter is painting for me.

I remember the time of prayer with another person. Words that resonated in my spirit, words that I alone knew were in the depths of my heart but now another person has said aloud in prayer for me. Words that aligned with the passage that leapt out of the pages of my Bible days ago. Words in harmony.

Then there was that phone call that came out of the blue. A door that opened marked with the word, the same word that I felt in my spirit when I was in prayer and meditation in my study; that moment when I took a long pause in the middle of writing a board presentation for a client.

And I remember that gentle voice, as if borne by a silent breeze, that said ‘look there’ and I did. And I saw a shop that I would visit when the need came up in the following weeks.

And after reading the Bible passage so many times in my life, a phrase stands out among the familiar lines, just on time to encourage, prompt or direct.

So I am off to a new adventure. A new career. A big change. I have a general direction to start with, a word that filters all other paths and each day will bring more clarity as I look to the Father for wisdom and guidance.

Will you bless me when you pass me by? Will you bless me as I head off to join another road and leave familiar roads behind?

Yes, I bless you, too!

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5:7 The Bible KJV

* Touch The Sky, Hillsong United 2015

#touchthesky #leadingchange #valuesbasedleadership

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